Once a Week Family Goals Has everyone out there started their once-a-day special moments with their families? If you have no idea what I’m talking about, you need to go back and read the past Traditional Mom blogs! If you have – I would love to hear from you with how it’s working for you. *******
07.30.09
But … many of us may want to try to add just a little bit more to our treasure chest of family time. Of course, the trouble is finding more time our busy schedules to do it. Fortunately for us, it’s not really about adding time and doing more, but about being smart and intentional with the time we already have. We’ve started with once-a-day. Now, let’s move on to once-a-week!
Just like the once-a-day moments, what makes this time we’re planning so special and memorable for our families is not extravagance or expense. Rather, it’s the simple, meaningful things we do over and over again that create the moments most close to our hearts.
Have a family game night one weekend evening. Even the youngest can help roll dice!
Not game players? How ‘bout a family movie night. You can even rotate which family member gets to pick the movie for that week.
Go for a family walk for an hour on Saturday morning. Talk about the highlights of your week, giving everyone time to share. Weather’s bad? Take it to the mall!
Block off every Sunday night for family dinner night – rotate who chooses the menu and who cooks!
Have a special lunch out after church each week – you can even mix it up between a favorite pizza buffet, sandwich shop, or picnic in the park.
Take the time together as a family to write a letter (yes – a real live letter on paper that goes in the mailbox with a stamp!) to a loved one. Take turns writing parts of the letter to update that special person about your lives (little ones can tell mom and dad what they want to say!) Grandparents, cousins, aunts & uncles, family friends … near or far, just taking the time to tell someone your family is thinking of him or her is priceless.
So, taking a closer look at our schedules, each of the ideas here could take a just an hour or two out of your week. We all start out with 168 hours in the week. Subtracting eight hours a day for sleeping (are there any Traditional Moms out there that get eight hours a night?), 40 for work-related activities, five for driving, three for church, two hours a day each for meals, bathing, and homework or school activities – and the thirty-five minutes spent on the once-a-day moments - we’re still left with nearly a whole day’s worth of time. Take just a fraction of that time and spend it wisely, creating lasting memories with your families.
Five Minutes to Change the Future Whatever happened to “the lazy days of summer”? I think I remember them from when I was a kid… *******
07.09.09
Sleeping late (‘til like 8:00 – until teenage years when it became noon)…
Riding bikes all over town…
Walking barefoot in the grass…
Chasing the ice cream truck down the street…
Playing around the neighborhood until dinner…
Then again until dark…
Kick the Can and Ghost in the Graveyard after dark …
Ah … thinking about it now sure does bring back memories. Simple stuff, really, but it brings a smile to my face now.
I’m not sure that summers go quite that way these days! We rise early, take the kids to camps, lessons, and sporting events. Then we’re off to work (be it within or outside the home – or both!). Meetings all day, squeeze projects in between. Pick the kids up from camps, lessons, and sporting events. Take the kids to the evening camp, less, or sporting event. Come home to bathe and get it bed – but not before catching up on work emails (okay - and Facebook). Then start all over again.
It’s easy to lose track of our traditions and values with the schedules we keep – particularly in the crazy days of summer we now find ourselves in.
A solution? Well, I’m not sure such a thing exists. Let’s face it. We’re not living in the same world we did as children, just as our children will find the world different when they’re parents. It becomes even more important to be intentional and meaningful about the time we do have to instill real values in our families.
Let’s start small with something just one time a day. Take five minutes to let your kids (and spouses where applicable!) know how much you care by giving them the gift of your attention. Talk about the events of the day, a new movie coming out, or a memory of your childhood. Give a hug. Say goodnight prayers. Five minutes a day can change their world – and still leave you with 1,435 minutes for the rest of that particular crazy day of summer…
What Day is it Today? Did you know that July is National Picnic month? It’s also National Outdoor month, National Hot Dog month, National Blueberry Month, and National Ice Cream month. Now, in my house, any of those are reason for celebration! It’s nice to know that, with the aid of the internet, we can find numerous reasons to celebrate every month – in fact, every day – of the year.
06.26.09
In my search to find all the various reasons for celebration over the upcoming weeks, I also learned that July is National Purposeful Parenting month. That one really intrigued me. The purpose of the month is to build strong, caring, nurturing families – regardless of what your family structure is – and to teach our children the values we want to them to have when they grow into parents themselves. Now that’s a pretty tall order for a single month of the year!
I love the concept, but purposeful parenting – and the instillation of values in our children – can’t truly be relegated to a single month of the year. But we certainly can use the month to recommit ourselves to taking the steps necessary to make sure our kids are learning those values. We can decide now to start a new daily, weekly, monthly, or even yearly tradition that exemplifies a value we want them to have.
Perhaps in July, when we celebrate the bravery of those men (and Traditional Moms of the day!) fought for our nation’s freedom, we can teach our children about courage. On you next family game night, talk to them about persevering even in the face of defeat to try again. On the next trip to the park, encourage your child to slide down that big, scary slide to learn it’s not so scary after all. Encourage your son or daughter to ask a new child in the neighborhood to play. Even keep track of those “acts of courage” on little notecards that you can save for the day they look to teach their own children that value. It’s a priceless gift that costs no money at all.
And maybe, just for fun, in National Picnic-Hot Dog-Blueberry month, you can plan a fun picnic lunch with hot dogs before taking the kids to pick blueberries at a nearby patch. (Oh – and if you don’t have a nearby blueberry patch, July is also National Blackberry month, National Raspberry month, and National Peach month. Surely that covers most of us!) Just be sure to have your picnic before the last week of the month – that’s Don’t Eat Meat week. Sort of conflicts with the hot dogs, huh?
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Dad is GREAT! Does anyone else out there remember the old Bill Cosby bit from "Bill Cosby: Himself" about giving his kids chocolate cake for breakfast?
I have to admit that I don’t remember much about the rest of the routine (OK - a few other bits, but those are for another day), but the chocolate cake deal still makes me laugh. You see, he’s describing a time when Dad became the greatest father in the world because he let the kids have chocolate cake for breakfast ... and they even sang about it, "Dad is great! He gives us chocolate cake!" Of course, that only lasts until Mom sees them eating chocolate cake for breakfast - at which time the kids insist they asked for eggs and milk, but Dad forced them to eat chocolate cake. Now, taking the situation as a real one (and not just a comedy routine) this certainly sounds like one of those times when, in the moment, it really wasn’t too funny at all. Mom is angry. Dad is stuck for answers on his lack of nutritional prowess. The kids are just plain freaked out because of the confrontation. But afterwards ... later… and for years to come, it just gets funnier and funnier. And it’s certainly something anyone would ever forget. The History Channel online tells us that the first celebration of a day honoring dads was on July 5, 1908, at William Memorial Methodist Episcopal Church South (now Central United Methodist Church) in Fairmont, West Virginia, to honor 361 men who were killed in an explosion the prior December in a nearby town.
In 1909, during a Mother’s Day sermon in Spokane, Washington, Sonora Smart Dodd, whose father - Civil War veteran William Jackson Smart - raised her and her siblings after the death of their mother, was inspired to establish a day showing her father just how thankful she was for him. Because Smart was born in June, Dodd established June 19, 1910, as the first official Father’s Day. Fourteen years later, President Coolidge recommended that Father’s Day become a national holiday, and in 1966, President Johnson designated it to be the third Sunday in June. Father’s Day was instituted as a national observance by President Nixon in 1972. It’s been more than 100 years since the inspiration that became Father’s Day in our country. Millions of dads have been celebrated over that century. But not one of them compares to the dads in your life. Make this the year that you tell them so! This weekend as you’re looking at plans for Father’s Day, think about adding something into Dad’s special day that he - and your kids - will remember for a lifetime. Two of my favorite ideas: • Take a simple photograph of the kids’ hands in Dad’s each year. Place them in an album to watch how they grow and change over the years. What a priceless picture-memory of the connection between children and their dads! • Cut out some little cards in the shape of a tie and let the kids decorate them. Write on them "Dad is great because" and let everyone in the family answer the question on their own card. Place them around the house in places where Dad will find them in the morning - with the coffee filters, under the lid of the shaving cream, pinned to the bath towel, in the sock drawer. He’ll be thrilled with the praises to start the day! Be sure to collect them and collage them in a memory album each year and make part of the special day looking back to see how the sentiments change over time and as the kids grow. Who knows ... it might be kind of fun to start another new tradition on Father’s Day - chocolate cake for breakfast anyone?? Wishes for blessings to each and every Dad out there this Father’s Day for all you do to shape the lives of our children. "Any man can be a father. It takes someone special to be called DAD." *******
06.19.09
Take a Staycation and Enjoy!
06.04.09
Can you believe it’s June? The kids are out of school, summer’s in full swing, and vacation season is upon us.
For many of us Traditional Moms with full-time jobs outside the home, it also can become a season of panic.
Who’s going to watch the kids while I’m at work?
How am I going to afford a vacation this year?
Where would we go and what would we do?
Well ... I’m not sure I can provide too many answers on the childcare front, but I can offer a couple of tips for the vacation time.
Keep in mind that studies and polls have shown that it’s typically not the big, fancy, and expensive events from our childhood that we tend to remember as we grow older. It’s those simpler times we spend as a family, making memories and creating traditions, which stay with us over time.
- Plan a family picnic night in the backyard. Make sure to have a ball or Frisbee to toss around.
- Check local theaters for their free summer kids’ movies or local bowling alleys for free summer bowling schedules. Schedule a few hours or a day off work to take your kids to a show or to the lanes. It’s amazing how kids remember the time you take from work to spend special time with them.
- Schedule a “staycation” (I’ve seen that word a number of times this year and just love it!) with the family. Take your week (or two) vacation from work and plan fun games and activities around your community that don’t cost a lot, but will be rich with memories.
Now, of course, if you’re able to do so, “real,” take-a-trip-away-from-home vacation can be great!
In fact, I must confess that I’m writing this blog from one of the most magical places on earth - Walt Disney World. And - as exciting of a place as it is for us - the real magic still comes from the fact that I’m spending time with my family.
This particular trip has been my oldest son and I with my sister and her son. We’ve had a great time. But even with all the excitement that Disney can hold, I think one of the most memorable things for the boys will be that we sat around the kitchen table and played card and dice games together. Nothing fancy or theme-park filled, but just simple time together. When they grow up and take their kids on vacation, I hope they remember to take that time to enjoy their families.
OK, now to send everyone on their way with a tangible tradition-making plan, here’s one of my favorite ideas.
No matter what you do this year - a vacation, a staycation, or just a few select days of quality family time together, find the opportunity to write the year on something in your surroundings and take one picture with the year (and the family) in it to remember the magic of your time together.
Going to the beach? Write the year in the sand and snap the photo.
Going camping in the woods? Find sticks, rocks, and leaves to form into the year.
Going to Walt Disney World? Have someone hold up a paper with the year written on it outside your hotel or a park.
Year after year, take the snapshot and save them in an album. The memories will truly last a lifetime.
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GLEE Hits Big In all the American Idol talk talk of the last couple of days, I wanted to take a minute to push the bandwagon a bit for Fox’s new series that premiered after Tuesday’s Idol showdown.
I’ll admit that I was a little unsure of what Fox was thinking with Glee - a story of high school "losers" who are intent on winning against all odds, led by a teacher reliving his glory days as a member of a fiery school show choir. But, I was surprised at how the rather predictable plot pulled me in to pilot.
Of course, there’s a bit of me that couldn’t help but watch since I was in show choir in high school myself (just check out last week’s YouTube link for the big hair evidence and all!). But, the storyline is one that is reality for far too many kids in school today. If you’re not in with the "in" crowd, high school can be a truly traumatic experience. Let’s face it, kids can be just plain mean a good deal of the time.
As parents - and moms in particular, I think - we feel the pain that our kids experience, and want to do everything we can to help them overcome it. And building a solid home life is among the best things we can offer for those times when they come home in tears because of what another kid said or did. It’s very easy for our children to try to not take risks or shut out things that might bring pain. It’s a pretty natural reaction for us as adults, as well. But without taking those risks and sometimes experiencing the pain, they also miss out on the chance for true joy. But what - exactly - can we do? Just a simple little exercise can become a habit ... can become a tradition they’ll carry on to their own kids. • Turn the dinner table or evening devotional time into the opportunity to discuss the best and worst thing that happened during the day. Sometimes just saying it out loud makes the good times better and the bad times not so bad. • Set aside two minutes before the bus comes each morning to say a prayer with your kids before getting on the school bus or out of the car line. Encourage them to ask God to help them - and all the other kids at school that day - to make good choices throughout the day. • Teach your children to offer help or a compliment to one other child at school each day - and take five minutes before bed to learn what they did that day, and praise them for their efforts. If you haven’t seen it, take a peek at the Glee pilot pilot online. The caption under the old glee club director’s photograph in a trophy case reads "By its very definition glee is about opening yourself up to joy." Teach your kids to open themselves up to joy.
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05.21.09
American Idol for Old People?
05.14.09
Traditions come in all shapes and sizes - that’s the beauty of the concept. Quite often the simpler it is, the better. You remember the experiences, the conversations, the plain joy from the time spent together. And you never forget the "funnies" that spring from those times together.
OK - now I have to admit that I am completely hooked on American Idol. (‘Fess up - you know you are, too!) For you veterans Idol fans out there, you may recall that in the first season, the contestants had an age limit of 24. After the second season, it was raised to 28, and is now 30. Alas, Idol came too late to the reality scene for me to ever consider auditioning - even if I had been delusional enough to think I wouldn’t have been torn apart by Simon Cowell. You see, I’ve always had a love for singing and performing, spanning from singing and dancing in a show choir in high school. It’s amazing what you can find on YouTube! It still gives me chills.
That has evolved into singing in church choirs as an adult. The lure of the performance drew me into watching Idol that first season. And it quickly became a weekly event for my then-6-year-old son to sit with me and watch the show. The Sunday of the Idol Season One finale, I sang a solo during the offertory at church. I think it may have been the first time my son had heard me on a microphone all alone. He told me after the service that he "didn’t know I could sound good." And how does a mom respond to that? "Thanks, honey," I replied. Seriously? What else can a mom say? Now, later in the week, during the that first finale showdown between Kelly Clarkson and Justin Guarini, the hosts (well-known Ryan Seacrest with then co-host Brian Dunkleman) did a little retrospective on the first season of the show, including a bit on Delano Cagnolati.
Not a name you remember? Cagnolati was the first of the show’s public scandals. Cagnolati, a Season One semifinalist, said he was 23 - just under the age limit for auditioning. But he was, in fact, a much older 29. Consequently, the show’s execs booted him for being too old for the competition. My son, sitting with popcorn in his lap (part of our tradition) watched, enthralled with all the music and stories thus far, and started hopping up and down on the couch. He looked at me with all the joy, love, and excitement you can only find in a 6-year-old’s face. "Mommy!" he said. "If they ever have an American Idol for old people, you just have to go on it!" Seriously? "Um, thanks, honey," I replied. What else can a mom say? *******
I started watching the reality TV favorite in its first season and don’t think I’ve missed many episodes since then. I know I haven’t missed any since getting a DVR - it’s even better when you can fast forward through all the commercials!
Every mom has a story. What was her childhood like? Was she good at sports as a kid? Did she like to read as a teenager? What was her favorite subject in school? The answers to those questions - our stories - shape who we grew up to be and the moms we are today. An interesting question to ponder: If our stories are unusual, unconventional, or downright tragic, does that mean we can’t be “good” moms? I think absolutely not. Quoting M. Scott Peck, “It is only because of problems that we grow mentally and spiritually.“ Consider a mom that certainly was not what society considered traditional, or initially even acceptable, in biblical history. Genesis 38 tells the story of Tamar - twice widowed by Judah’s sons and refused her then-rightful marriage to Judah’s third and final son in order to have a son. (For a wonderful novella expanding Tamar’s story, check out Francine Rivers’ Unveiled.) When her plight became apparent, Tamar took things into her own hands. She dressed as a prostitute, and seduced Judah himself in order to become pregnant - risking her very life itself to bear a son. Her planning and ingenuity in keeping items to identify to Judah that he was the father of her unborn children saved her life. Tamar gave birth to twin boys, one of whom was Perez, whom we can trace to Boaz, to David, and, ultimately, to Jesus. Was Tamar’s story unusual? Yes. Unconventional? I think that goes without saying. Was it tragic? Perhaps it could be viewed as such, at least at the beginning of her adult life. But she took the hand she was dealt, did the best that she knew how to do, and ultimately raised two sons and believed, despite her early story, in a loving God. Without her unusual, unconventional, and perhaps tragic beginnings, would we have the lineage that led to the birth of the Messiah? Although she may not have shared all the details with her sons - and there are always some things we are probably better off not sharing with our kids - boy, did she have a story. The fact that someone recorded that story for us to read today helps us understand the history of our faith. It doesn’t get much more powerful than that. So, this year, as we’re approaching Mother’s Day, consider taking some time to record things about your story for your children, what shaped you into the person you are today. It’s your legacy that will last beyond a lifetime. ******* Eggs, Judas, and The Inferno
What's Your Story?
05.07.09
04.20.09
So ... this year I decided to introduce the concept of Resurrection Eggs to my 7 year old son. We have this great little container - just like an egg carton from the store, but plastic - that holds 12 eggs, each with a symbol of the Easter story.
From the donkey bringing Jesus into Jerusalem to an empty egg representing the empty tomb, the eggs help to tell young ones the story of the betrayal, crucifixion, and resurrection of Jesus.
We got to the egg that held a small little stack of plastic silver coins, and we read the story of Judas's betrayal of Jesus for 30 pieces of silver. Not too surprisingly, my son didn't like this part of the story very much. But it was the rest of the conversation that still has me chuckling...
Insightful Son: "Mom, why was Judas so mean?"
Traditional Mom: "Well honey, Jesus knew that someone was going to betray him. That's actually kind of an important part to the story. If Judas hadn't betrayed Jesus, he may not have been arrested or crucified. If he hadn't been crucified, we wouldn't have the miracle of the resurrection."
long, uncomfortable silent interlude where I consider punting the question to our pastor next Sunday...
Insightful Son: "Mom. I bet Judas went to hell."
Traditional Mom: completely taken off guard and tongue tied for a response "Well, Dante thought so."
Insightful Son: "Who's Dante?"
I so need to learn to quit while I'm ahead.
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A Little History Lesson
04.11.09
We love Easter baskets – and not just for the chuckle it brings to remember the alien invaders demanding “spackets.” (See 04.07.09 post)
Early Easter baskets held the riches of the Easter meal that Christians would celebrate at the conclusion of Lent – Easter Sunday. History tells us that early Roman Catholics would bring their Easter baskets filled with dinner to mass so it could be blessed by the priest.
As a family, make and bring Easter baskets to the elderly in an assisted living facility or nursing home. Spending just a little time with someone who may not have anyone to share the holiday with can teach children how valuable family really is.
However you choose to celebrate, be intentional and joyful!! Creating a lasting memory is the best gift we can ever give our children! Blessings to all this wonderful Easter season!!
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A Tisket, A Tasket, I Want My Easter Spacket...
04.07.09
When my oldest son (now a full-fledged teenager) was three years old, he woke up on Easter morning to find an Easter basket. Now, he’d had one each of his first two years, but certainly didn’t “get it” then. That year he knew a little about Easter and had learned all about baskets and what the Easter bunny brought in them.
He was so excited to see that basket! And being diligent first-time parents, we explained that he could read his book and play with his toys, and could even have a piece of candy (after breakfast, of course), but the basket would need to stay at home when we went to church. He assured us he understood and would oblige, and we all got ready to go – the basket never leaving his side.
When it came time to leave for church, I reached for the basket, and set it on the table out of reach. At that moment, it seemed that an alien force took over the sweet little three year old boy who had just stood beside me, who immediately launched into near-hysterical sobbing, thrashing, and shouting “I want my spacket!” He didn’t have a basket, but a spacket. Of course, his parents (yeah, that would be me and his dad) immediately diffused the temper tantrum by cracking up at the sound of our no-longer-toddler screaming “Spacket! Spacket! I want my spacket!” at the top of his lungs.
I really don’t recall how we managed to get out of the house and through church that day, and I had all but forgotten the entire incident until, six years later, standing in the preschool hallway at church, watching my husband lead our second down the hall to the nursery before Easter service, I heard his little three year old voice start shouting “Nooooo! I want my spacket! I want my spacket!” The alien force was back and inhabiting another child of mine.
After he was calmed down and deposited in the nursery and we were sitting in the sanctuary, it became even more hysterically funny to us than it had been with son #1. #3 son is just two this year. We may have to wait another year to see if the Spacket alien returns for a final encore…
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The Traditional Mom Speaks - Fondest Memories?
04.01.09
Here’s a little experiment for today: close your eyes (okay – after you finish reading this blog) and think about the fondest memories of your childhood. What comes to mind? Over the past several years, I’ve read a number of books and dozens of articles that pose variations of that question and know what “the research” says most people remember … but I decided to conduct a little non-scientific experiment of my own and posed it to a bunch of people I know. (No double-blind testing or control groups, mind you, so criticism of my scientific method is probably appropriate.)
Here are a few of the responses:
going to midnight mass on Christmas Eve and being able to open one present before going to sleep
visiting my grandparents for a week each summer
playing kick-the-can and ghost in the graveyard with all the neighborhood kids on warm summer nights
Saturday morning cartoons
My grandma’s Easter lamb cake – there was a special lamb pan and everything, but you needed toothpicks to keep the lamb’s head attached
Catching fireflies at dusk in the summer
Ok … so my results are pretty in line with the real scientific experts. It’s really those simple rituals, the things that we did over and over again with people we loved – the traditions of our childhood – that we now hold most near and dear to our hearts.
Now, I’m doubting that these results or the expert research is really very surprising. Most people, when asked, don’t hesitate to say – and truly believe – that family is the most important thing in their lives. Why? One working mom hero of mine that I’ve had the pleasure to get to know personally, Lorle Campos, sums it up so nicely in her book, The Little Things are the Big Things, by describing families as “vitamins for our soul.” And the simple act of creating traditions – big or small, but always meaningful – are the B12s and Cs that, in combination, help keep us soulfully healthy.
Stay tuned for upcoming ideas (and a few stories along the way!) that you can use to nourish the souls of your family. Until then…
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The Traditional Mom - What's That About?
03.31.09
So, some of you are reading “The Traditional Mom” and thinking “what does that mean,” right? Good question these days, isn’t it? A stay at home mom working hard (and boy do they!) to raise 2 or 3 children, meeting all the demands of mom, wife, chauffeur, housekeeper, and gourmet cook? A corporate executive filling every waking moment with work or family obligations, wondering where the hours will come from to meet the next deadline while not missing a minute of her youngest’s soccer season? A single mom balancing work and the needs of her young kids while taking classes to complete a degree or graduate program?
Although as recently as just a few decades ago the answer was predominately the first, today’s reality is that, in any given community, we’re likely to see at least an equal smattering of all three, if not the latter two outnumbering the first. What’s a “traditional mom” then? My proposition is that she’s a woman who loves her family and desires to raise her kids with values, ambitions, and dreams. And we’re always thinking about what we can do to instill in our children those values, ambitions, and dreams, all the while managing the various other obligations we have.
Our family lives are stretched pretty thin these days with work, school, church, scouts, sports – multiplied by a parent or two and exponentially increased for each child involved. But I know that for me, as a busy working Christian mom (and I think I’m pretty “traditional” these days), I want more than anything to have my kids grow up with a sense of belonging … to look back and have memories of the cool things we did together and the important faith and life lessons they learned (even if they didn’t realize they were learning anything at the time).
I, for one, plan to learn as much as I can to find ways to make these desires a reality in my family life – and actually implement them! I’d love to share this journey and my findings with you … I hope you’ll find some ideas that work for your family, too! Until then…
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Is she a busy stay at home mom, working hard to balance kids' activities, serving as chauffeur, housekeeper, gourmet cook, and chief educator of her busy family? Is she a corporate executive who struggles to maintain her hold on the corporate ladder, while not missing a single game of her youngest's soccer season? What about a single mom working to provide for the daily needs of her children while taking classes to complete a degree?
Just a generation ago, we were most likely to find her in the first role - and most certainly would have considered that the most "traditional" of them all. Today, however, our world has changed dramatically!
Today, a majority of women do work outside the home in a variety of ways. And those moms who stay at home with children have exponentially more demands than their predecessors ever imagined.
But one truth remains -- today's mothers love their families just as much as the "traditional" moms of the past and want, more than anything, to help instill in their family lives a sense of peace, purpose, and power.
TheTraditionalMom.com was created to help us all along the way. Check here often to find ideas on how to create meaningful family traditions, products and resources for busy families, and to read stories of the journeys of Traditional Moms of ALL kinds!
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